M'aidez.

1st May - Mayday.

Mayday! Mayday!

It derives from the French: "M'aidez."

"Help me."

The symbolism surrounding my sister's death is as curious as comprehending the reasons of why she had even left this world. The public holiday in England known as Mayday was the day in which the news of her death reached us all, at her starved age of 22. Perhaps it was a cry for help in itself; a traditionally military call.

I won't deny that in the time leading up to her death, I had little to no idea of what kind of person she'd become as we'd moved away from England and she'd grown up in the meanwhile. None the less, I'd carry the hope with me that we'd get to become reacquainted in the future.

A profound element to this terrible day was always thinking about my dad, and Kelly's mum and the unnatural notion of burying your child. I was young enough when it happened to be overcome by shock and a determined attitude to be resilient and try to carry on with regular life as best our family could.

I feel speaking about a death always causes controversy, but I'm writing in a place which is mine. I'm not asking for sympathy, but writing about an event that has had an impact on many people. I'm continually devastated that this ever happened. It upsets me to know I'll never have another chance to know her, and that our family have lost someone. It also frustrates me that opinions surrounding her death, relations and family affairs seem to direct anger to parties that weren't responsible.

We'll never know why. Just as we never know exactly why love dissolves, why marriages fall apart, friendships end, people become ill, innocent people die or any other tragic events of life.

So this is to project into a speculative and unknown world that I hope, 5 years on, Kelly has found her peace, and when life takes us all into the darkness we will find ours too.