Saturday, June 16, 2012

A Feeling Unfelt


This coated tension,

And heated desire,

Will be finally set free

As we'll surrender fear and nerves,

That have tainted actions and words unspoken,

Desperate to crawl out.



You'll throw me down

And I'll stretch out

On this ground of challenged motives

Undress me,

And confidently I'll slip between the sheets

Of passion easily,

Knowing that it's me you see.



Let me wind around your body

Trace my lips across your skin,

I'll let you in;

Pressed against my hips and placing fingertips

On every inch we've wanted to explore.



Let me be endlessly sexy to you;

Oozing words of sensuality,

Draped in honesty I'm sure is too naive,

But I'm growing as I'm learning,

Leaving innocence behind,

Temptation unraveling clearly in my mind.



You've broken in;

And seen more of me I'm sure,

Regardless of the sight limited

We've shared.



It'll be damaging

But I'll want you all the more,

Thankful for this outburst of desire,

Fuelled by expression,

Of the art we hold within.



These crafted words will only

Scrape the basis

Of this tangled, challenged

Depth of beauty this beholds;

The comfort of being known to you,

The ideal of knowing you.



And endlessly I crave you,

And arrogantly perhaps,

I crave you craving me,

As I lay in bed and imagine you

Laying in my company,

Entwined in a moment,

Suspended in a feeling unfelt.

Madness Through The Ages in Literature

*First published in Grok, February 2012. 

 Literature often reflects the spirit of the times – the common discussions of topics within cultures at that particular time. Insanity, or colloquially, madness has been a recurring topic amongst all cultures and timeframes across the world since civilization. From medieval surgeons drilling holes into insane victims in an attempt to release the inner demons, to chaining victims to the deplorable walls of Bedlam (the world’s first mental institution), and to strait jackets, sedatives and everything in between – madness; its symptoms, and the terror it inflicts into all cultures is a compelling, and the act of perceiving insanity within a person manifests into a mad craze to control or destroy it. Below are some works of literature that show are changing attitudes towards madness through the ages.  

1594 (approximately) The Comedy of Errors – William Shakespeare

One of Shakespeare’s earliest plays, The Comedy of Errors places two identical brothers (Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus) and two identical servants(Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus) unbeknown to each other in the same city, Ephesus. The sets of twins collide with their friends and family but not each other and spend their time in Ephesus thinking they have gone mad, and are being possessed by the devil. Spanning over the two acts, the twins’ mistaken identities and confusion over the situations they’re placed within amounts to a resolution and reuniting of the sets of twins, and a realization that neither sets are mad, but rather, learn of each other’s existence.

While on the surface, The Comedy of Errors is a lighthearted play that relies heavily on farce and slapstick, the themes of madness and questioning oneself against the backdrop of a Catholic dominated society throw us back into a time where devil possession and witch hunting were a recurring discourse and genuine threat within society. *The scenes in which Antipholus is sent to the church to exorcise the demons within was and still is a comedic scene at the time of performance, but held a clear social comment on the attitude towards mental illness and how to destroy it in a country where religion was tied to the law.  

1955 - Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

Written from a mental hospital recounting what landed him there, Humbert Humbert’s avid infatuation with his “step-daughter” Dolores (Lolita) Haze is a disturbing derail of madness at first, but unfurls into a heartbreaking story of irrational love that traps the reader into its web and leaves you questioning if Humbert’s self declared perversion is really that, or a man incapable of rational thought due to his obsession with his “nymphet.” Lolita soon learns the extent of Humbert’s burning passion for her, and once tiring from being lusted after, she soon realizes how she can use her power over him to gain whatever she wants, and as she grows older and her teenage tantrums grow worse, her brat like temper and vindictiveness ultimately leads to her rebellion, and Humbert’s demise. Humbert’s European background against Lolita’s American upbringing reflect Europe and America themselves; pre-modern customs and romantic ideals against modern morals and feminine power. Is Humbert a man gone mad, or a man in love – and how the reader consistently questions how different are those two things? Nabokov’s triumph is not in the plot’s disturbing twists but how it somehow manages to sit comfortably with the reader, enveloped by the lustrous language and Humbert’s prevailing mix of passion and pleading for his lifelong obsession, the reader just as gripped and enthralled in Lolita’s web as Humbert himself. Was it his madness that led Humbert to his love for Lolita, or was it his love for Lolita that drove him to his madness?

 *Successful Russian author Nabokov was refused publication for Lolita, his first English written novel intended for an American audience – so had it published in Paris in 1955. American publishers finally published his novel in 1958, though it still sparked controversy. Now, after two film adaptations (1962 and 1997), and being considered one of the best pieces of literature in the 20th century, Lolita’s charm lies in its age-old tale of forbidden love, regardless of the legal and moral implications that condemn it. Pacing back a few centuries, relations with such a young girl were much more common – was Lolita merely a story of madness for its time?  

1962 – One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – Ken Kesey

 One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest places the reader in the reality of a mental institution (“Cuckoo’s Nest”) and the terror patients had to endure from the control of psychiatric staff. The Narrator, “Chief” tells the reader of rebellious patient Randle Patrick McMurphy (who feigned insanity to get a lesser conviction for rape) and his disturbance of Nurse Ratched’s routines. Ratched evokes the abuse of power in a vulnerable and controlling situation. The novel is written around the time of the distrust of authorities and rebellious free spirit of the sixties and represents a much bigger idea of freedom of speech and questioning authority. Psychiatric drugs, electroshock therapy and a McMurphy’s lobotomy feature in the novel, showing the literal practices of mental health in the 20th century. Nurse Ratched’s sociopathic nature asks the reader to question – does a mental institution make one mad, or are we locking up the wrong people? *Author Kesey used to work at a mental institution as an orderly and found himself having empathy for the mentally ill and how they are treated in hospital. The film’s adaptation in 1975 earned 5 Oscars.

1996 - Fight Club – Chuck Palahnuik

“1. You don’t talk about fight club. 2. You don’t talk about fight club.” This cult contemporary classic epitomizes a modern man’s internal wrestle between masculinity and femininity – between sane and insane, and real and fantasy. The unnamed Narrator who suffers from insomnia meets Tyler Durden, a macho and cool ideal, and the two create a secret “Fight Club.” The balance between the conscious and unconscious as the Narrator battles with his insomnia, his work, and the all consuming Tyler (and Tyler’s lover Marla), is a modern twist on madness, men’s anger over the shift between gender roles and power roles in a modern world, and the presence of mental illness within society. In its last few places the heartbreaking truth is uncovered and Tyler Durden is killed along with the Narrator – the culprit, the Narrator’s schizophrenia. Fight Club’s power is in its possessive nature of transfixing the reader amongst the chaos and hallucinations of the Narrator while perceiving it as real as he does, giving us insight into the mind of a schizophrenic person and its torment.

*Fight Club’s edgy contemporary fiction and 1999 film adaptation has achieved a cult following, sparking much discussion over the metro modern man, and the demise of masculinity in a modern world. Perhaps madness consumes all of us at times; whether it be nestled within dreams, confusion, love, family, illness or other; but here’s to hoping that through the stories that outlay the customs of the time, we are not only acknowledging our perceptions of madness at the time, but embracing the much needed empathy, knowledge and promise to help heal those who are mentally ill, and learn from the mistakes of mistreatment in the past.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Resolutions and Realisations

Perhaps the attempt of creating New Year's resolutions is as important as having a brilliant New Year's Eve - and their similarities is that it nearly always disappoints us and for most, they're too difficult to retain. It's too easy to give up on dieting or exercise, or saving money, the usual kind of New Year's resolutions we strive to put in place with each year that creeps along, but by February/March or maybe even sooner we are give into temptations to break them.

Last year was difficult for my family, many of my friends and people around the world. We were gripped to the television when floods, earthquakes and other natural disasters damaged the land and lives of so many; watching on helpless and in awe.

Myself and my family shared our times of torment, my friends endured tragic times that were too much to handle. We lost Kaine Bell, forever 19 and forever remembered for his bright smile and gentle nature. Through it, however, our support for each other only strengthened our bonds.

I think we invest too much in resolutions shaping the New Year and therefore, improving the last. While to an extent we can seize control of our lives, fate sweeps in and dominates the future.

Last year I wrote that adulthood brings tragedy closer to the surface of our perception; we are no longer sheltered from the world by our parents and instead are learning to protect younger generations from sadness. In its bittersweet nature, that was my biggest lesson last year. Stripped from my plans and at times, struggling to cope with the challenges my family and friends were confronted with, we fought back.

I've decided against New Year's resolutions this year. The only one I have in mind, despite my knowledge that I have little impact on life's decisions, is that I'm going to try to make this year better than last, and with the friends and family that have continually given me their love and support, I'm sure it will be better.