Monday, August 29, 2011

Fight or Flight.



"How do you remember something that didn't happen?"
"Fondly."



I haven't written in a while. I've spent my time consumed with cramming in assignments, working and seeing friends. I've also gotten an SLR and a Mac, and have been becoming up to date with newer technologies. I've got a long way to go, but I'm starting to get my head around how to use my camera especially. I'm in week 7 of uni already, and as relieved as I am that I'm over the halfway mark of semester, my prac is drawing uneasily close. I'm excited for it, though a little nervous of the prospect of running classes.

I attended my first funeral a few weeks ago. Never in a million years would I have guessed I'd have gone to Kaine Bell's funeral first. It was devastating, but I was astounded with the strength of Kody, his family and Kaine's friends. They are doing tremendously well. The ceremony was beautiful, poignant, and a fitting tribute to Kaine's spirit. At one point a few days earlier, Kody and my brother kissed my cheeks and cuddled me from either side as we raised our glasses for Kaine. Death sadly promotes the significance of life, and therefore, love. It's a shame those life seizing moments don't last forever.





I would have been flying to London two weeks ago, having had my leaving party that was already booked. Adulthood seems to get derailed, but it doesn't mean I won't get back on track. There's times when I still get sad and tears fall, but I let them come and then move on. I've managed to make something spectacular from the rubble that collapsed around me; I fought back.

With sadness, comes longing. My dreams are splashed across my walls and nestled deep in my heart, carried out in my fantasies and waiting patiently to manifest. One day. I am sure there will be further distractions and detours, and perhaps I'll stumble upon a few more discoveries of my fate along the way.

Adulthood brings sadness closer to our eyes. It weighs us down with responsibility, accountability and conflicts with finances, work, study, friendships, family and romance. At the ripe age of 21, there are stupid purchases to be made, terrible jobs to be had, hearts to be broken, and friends to disappear. There are horrible mistakes to be made.

But we will grow from it. I will learn and live and laugh. And love.

And in the times when hurt swoops in and strangles our hope, we have to remember our dreams, that are just tucked away safely for another day yet to be had. We have to smile from the sunshine warming our shoulders, songs that soothe the airwaves and flowers blooming in the gardens.

Those little moments of beauty will carry us through.


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

10 Things

I saw Dylan Moran live last week, and he pointed out something that's stuck with me. You have bakers and shakers in the world - those that show their feelings and those that keep them locked away. It's something you can't change, something engrained in your heritage, cultural imperatives and employed to all situations in your life.

If this week has taught me anything, it's reinforced the importance of telling those I love how much I care, and focusing on what is fantastic in my life rather than the negatives.

10 Things I Love About My Mum.

1. She is incredibly kind.
2. She is a natural mother - she's always nurturing us and making sure we're fed.
3. She will do anything for me and my brother.
4. She is creative - a born artist, and colours our house with her art and warmth.
5. She has good first impressions and is a great judge of character.
6. She takes pride in the way she looks.
7. We are both bubbly, chatty people.
8. She is well loved by everyone.
9. She does my hair.
10. I can always talk to her and she's always there when I need a cuddle.

10 Things I Love About My Dad.

1. He is very kind and generous.
2. He has his own way in showing he loves me - little things like bringing me home chocolate, taking me for a drive so I can take photos and asking me to watch movies he know I'll like.
3. He always makes me food even when I didn't ask for it.
4. He does so much for our family - whether it's living in a country town or going on long postings at sea he's done it for us and our lifestyle.
5. We share the same sense of humour.
6. We both love to read.
7. He wants the best for me. He's always supported my decisions in what I wanted to study and jobs I've applied for. He wants me to go far and helps me achieve that.
8. He's very proud of me.
9. My dad will always be a sailor, he is a gentleman and my anchor tattoo represents the journey his profession has steered our family - 3 countries and counting.
10. He makes me laugh.

10 Things I Love About My Brother.

1. We have this special laugh that we only do with each other.
2. We have the same sense of humour.
3. He would give anyone his last penny.
4. He's very kind and loving, it shows in his eyes.
5. He raps in the shower. It's hillarious.
6. He always wants to show me funny shows and clips, and things that he knows will make me laugh. He considers what he knows I'll like.
7. He is the double of dad - they have the same looks and even gestures.
8. He is a very talented drawer and is good with his hands - he gets his artistic side from mum.
9. He is quick witted and cheeky.
10. He is bright and creative.