"Tortured Souls."

In an article about Amy Winehouse's death, a comment noted that alongside the string of rock and roll stars who died at the age of 27, "it's not their age, but their substance abuse that killed them."

I've spent the evening with a friend considering the depths of self-destruction within relationships. She is having to deal with the substance abuse of her partner on top of dealing with first love - which is overwhelming enough. Being burdened with another person's problems is a natural part of relationships. We care about people we are close to, so naturally their problems become our own. However, when these problems are revolved around self harm, destruction and suicide, their illness is selfishly placing people under immense pressure. You become the pinnacle of their existence and happiness, and no one should ever have to be so depended on.

I believe it to be selfish to threaten your partner, family and friends with self harm if they threaten to leave or try to address your problems. While I believe it may be the illness that is dominating your perception of the world, you still have some control over your actions, and dragging over people into it.

While I believe you should reach out and heal your hurting, there are certain ways to go about it. Pulling someone into your problems with harm threats and desperate attempts to cling onto relationships only create bigger distances between people. If you admit your problems and project the kind of help you need, support and love will flow from those around you. If you drink or hurt yourself to stop temporarily feeling, the pain you averted will creep back stronger than ever before, and force itself to those you need to help you.

I don't believe that you can love to your capacity when you have a mental illness. You don't have the freedom from your emotions to love as much as others, and you use love in cruel ways. Love is not something to be used to make others feel guilty, or to be dictated when only your emotions see fit. It either is there or it is not. You cannot suppress it. You cannot use your illness to manipulate others into the blame of it, or your actions.

I suppose it all comes down to fight or flight when you attempt to deal with mental illness. Do you flee from the scene, and let your illness consume and control your emotions, actions and relationships? Or do you stand up, confront your problems, and fight like hell to kill the demons of your destruction?

That's up to you.