I've been trying to write some poetry, and while I have phrases sscribbled over loose sheets of paper while I've felt momentarily inspired I can't quite seem to piece together everything I want to say. When there are no words to describe how I'm feeling, I suppose I can only write and say what comes to mind at the time, and hope that the verses will naturally render themselves together along the way.
It's not as though I'm an emotional wreck; I think considering I'm doing really well. I also accept that what has happened to me is not the worst in the world, but it doesn't make it acceptable either. I'm learning that I can't be hurt by everyone who renders the events in a different light, and I can't be discouraged by life giving us detours to our grand plans and dreams.
I suppose the philosophy I'm living by is simple and effective, and one that many choose to live by: take each day as it comes. Life is built on a series of highs and lows, and dealing with the past month has been another trial for me.
I do believe talking about it with people I care about, writing here, and trying to put some words of clarity into my poetry are all helping me unravel how I feel. I am thankful that I am a strong person and have been able to be honest about this. I've been praised by my friends that I am brave, and I am proud of myself for facing the demons, and not letting them slip through the ropes of justice. I will not let another person be affected.
Yesterday was a bad day in a bittersweet way; I heard from someone with a really sweet message of support to me, and while it upset me it also made me feel uplifted and better about what's going on. There will be days when I want to cry and I'm afraid of what may happen, but anyone can feel like that without going through what I am. As time passes and things move on, I'm hoping this will eventually all fade away into a closed chapter of my story.
I'm enjoying my new job, and feel a sense of accomplishment every time I put some more money back into my savings, and am considering going back to uni for one more year. Whether my future leads me to London, or leads me to somewhere I've not even considered yet, I know I'll be going full of prospects and determination to live a successful and happy life. It is my right to dream big, and my attitude that will lead me there.
And for the bad days, and the many more I expect for all of us to come, we have to remember: Don't let the batards grind you down.
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