Fight or Flight.

"How do you remember something that didn't happen?"
"Fondly."



I haven't written in a while. I've spent my time consumed with cramming in assignments, working and seeing friends. I've also gotten an SLR and a Mac, and have been becoming up to date with newer technologies. I've got a long way to go, but I'm starting to get my head around how to use my camera especially. I'm in week 7 of uni already, and as relieved as I am that I'm over the halfway mark of semester, my prac is drawing uneasily close. I'm excited for it, though a little nervous of the prospect of running classes.

I attended my first funeral a few weeks ago. Never in a million years would I have guessed I'd have gone to Kaine Bell's funeral first. It was devastating, but I was astounded with the strength of Kody, his family and Kaine's friends. They are doing tremendously well. The ceremony was beautiful, poignant, and a fitting tribute to Kaine's spirit. At one point a few days earlier, Kody and my brother kissed my cheeks and cuddled me from either side as we raised our glasses for Kaine. Death sadly promotes the significance of life, and therefore, love. It's a shame those life seizing moments don't last forever.





I would have been flying to London two weeks ago, having had my leaving party that was already booked. Adulthood seems to get derailed, but it doesn't mean I won't get back on track. There's times when I still get sad and tears fall, but I let them come and then move on. I've managed to make something spectacular from the rubble that collapsed around me; I fought back.

With sadness, comes longing. My dreams are splashed across my walls and nestled deep in my heart, carried out in my fantasies and waiting patiently to manifest. One day. I am sure there will be further distractions and detours, and perhaps I'll stumble upon a few more discoveries of my fate along the way.

Adulthood brings sadness closer to our eyes. It weighs us down with responsibility, accountability and conflicts with finances, work, study, friendships, family and romance. At the ripe age of 21, there are stupid purchases to be made, terrible jobs to be had, hearts to be broken, and friends to disappear. There are horrible mistakes to be made.

But we will grow from it. I will learn and live and laugh. And love.

And in the times when hurt swoops in and strangles our hope, we have to remember our dreams, that are just tucked away safely for another day yet to be had. We have to smile from the sunshine warming our shoulders, songs that soothe the airwaves and flowers blooming in the gardens.

Those little moments of beauty will carry us through.