"The act of educating a psychopath will only produce an educated psychopath."
Following my best friend's footsteps and passion, and armed with ample free time on my hands, I've spent the last fortnight reading. While I've always been a bookworm, and thumb my way through a decent amount of books I've devoured some gritty, sensationalised and guilty pleasure crime books to ironically, occupy my mind.
Reading all of these crime and murder stories ranging across a few centuries, I'm finding it increasingly hard to believe that so many criminals believe they have any chance of walking away innocent. It seems these (often) crimes of passion, the killer has already resigned themselves to being locked away, though it is the small price to pay for the torture and often death to their chosen victims that they have fantasised about.
These books argue that while the act of murder is a state of temporary insanity, many killers are not always psychopathic but sadistic, drowned in a deep anger or indifferent. The murders they chose to commit they have often carefully planned, and when the fantasy of torture no longer suffices do they bring their dreams to life, and then to death. For many criminals, every moment of torture, rape and murder is performed while completely sane and aware of the harm they are causing. The legal and moral implications may be nestled within their minds but their motives have merely clouded their conscience rather than rid them of their sanity.
My greatest intrigue with the idea of psychopaths is the notion that it could be anyone, as random and unbelievable as the people who become victims are. The tragedy of victims is that often you're so invested or trustworthy of a person that their sociopathic antics will go undetected, or you could never conceive there to be anything life threatening about your relations. The signs of their inner torment may be noticed, but not noted as irregular. Only when crimes are committed and we reflect on a criminal's past behaviour do the signs become glaringly obvious.
Opportunistic criminals find themselves upon a situation in which they predict a gain or a thrill. All criminals seem to depict someone who is either vulnerable or in a vulnerable situation and strike.
Murderers, rapists and people who are fueled by the torture of others may or may not be psychopaths, but all have discarded morals so helplessly that they do not deserve to be a part of this world. The deep hatred those who have suffered at the hand of torture should not be reciprocated by projecting their pain in the form of malicious acts to negate the past.
Pehaps those who have suffered should take their pain, anger and depression and let it be the pillars to their strength and resilliance for their future in this world, rather than join the beaten.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Unemployment Is Harder Work.
This is the longest I've been unemployed since I was 15, and I'm not handling it well. Thankfully, I've been offered two jobs so in a few days I'll be back to work. A friend suggested the dole, and while I don't see anything wrong in people seeking government assistance, I'm happy to have never stepped foot in Centrelink, and hope it remains that way.
Unemployed life is frankly, boring. While the best of us enjoy to indulge in a sickie every once in a while, the last fortnight of this has been torment. I've watched enough Foxtel to be more frustrated than usual with its constant repeats and I've been finding myself scoping websites for jobs for hours on end. While I've appreciated being able to see friends during this difficult time, I know I couldn't handle a life that was solely consisting of only socialising and not having much money to do so. (I blame you, asos.com ;).
Considering the reasons to which I had to vacate my last job, having too much time available to think isn't appreciated. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with future plans but it is often difficult to do so.
I have been trying to get fit though. I've always danced, and my dancer background has always discouraged running for the damage it can cause to your knees and ankles, but I've been attempting to run. So far my speed has been increasing and my stamina is getting better. It is true that you feel better and refreshed after exercising.
Easter is upon us and it's really not a huge event for my family. I'm more looking forward to the ANZAC day service. Being a navy brat I've grown up to watching my dad march and it's always an emotional day. While last ANZAC day I ended up in my ex-boyfriend's bed after a few too many with some Air Force boys, I think this year's ANZAC day will be much more different, for the better.
I'm going to attempt to nurture my last few days off work with books and seeing friends and keeping my gym visits up.
Unemployed life is frankly, boring. While the best of us enjoy to indulge in a sickie every once in a while, the last fortnight of this has been torment. I've watched enough Foxtel to be more frustrated than usual with its constant repeats and I've been finding myself scoping websites for jobs for hours on end. While I've appreciated being able to see friends during this difficult time, I know I couldn't handle a life that was solely consisting of only socialising and not having much money to do so. (I blame you, asos.com ;).
Considering the reasons to which I had to vacate my last job, having too much time available to think isn't appreciated. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with future plans but it is often difficult to do so.
I have been trying to get fit though. I've always danced, and my dancer background has always discouraged running for the damage it can cause to your knees and ankles, but I've been attempting to run. So far my speed has been increasing and my stamina is getting better. It is true that you feel better and refreshed after exercising.
Easter is upon us and it's really not a huge event for my family. I'm more looking forward to the ANZAC day service. Being a navy brat I've grown up to watching my dad march and it's always an emotional day. While last ANZAC day I ended up in my ex-boyfriend's bed after a few too many with some Air Force boys, I think this year's ANZAC day will be much more different, for the better.
I'm going to attempt to nurture my last few days off work with books and seeing friends and keeping my gym visits up.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
"You'll Laugh When Something Is Really Funny."
Mowgli's Brothers
Now Chil the Kite brings home the night
That Mang the Bat sets free -
The herds are shut in byre and hut,
For loosed til dawn are we.
This is the hour of pride and power,
Talon and tush and claw.
Oh, hear the call! - Good hunting all
That keep the Jungle Law!
- Rudyard Kipling.
What this last week has taught me is that you can't ever be entirely certain of future plans, or even the present you're living within. I believe, or perhaps used to believe that everything happens for a reason, and life deals you events to test your character and strength. Thrown the most horrific, beyond awful of events to deal with, the ferocious fighter I've always been has questioned my ability to stand tall again.
This past week has also taught me that people are without a doubt the most important parts of our lives. My amazing family and friends have shown a love and support I couldn't have even dreamt of, and handled what most can't handle with sincerity and loyalty towards me. Flowers, phone calls, visiting and small gestures are all helping me feel better, or rather, feel anything at all. I am eternally thankful. You've even made me laugh, and with every smile I'm feeling myself creep back.
While I know this will take time, and maybe after some of my numbness wears away and it all sinks in, perhaps the worst is (hopefully not) to come, knowing I've had such help already is preparing me for this difficult and torturous battle ahead.
Life has thrown us all horrific times to see how we cope, and maybe I thought I'd already had my fair share of hardships. Perhaps with each hardship I've handled and not let destroy me, a worst one has been cast my way. But I promise that this will not define, nor defeat me.
I've read, I've listened to music, gone to a gig, visited friends, watched movies and desperately searched for a job. I hope it is all working its way to finding myself again.
So amongst the pain and the recovery, I find myself smothered in support and maybe, in moments where innocence floods its way in, I can lose myself to the enveloping electricity of a live band or the funny joke we're all laughing about.
Now Chil the Kite brings home the night
That Mang the Bat sets free -
The herds are shut in byre and hut,
For loosed til dawn are we.
This is the hour of pride and power,
Talon and tush and claw.
Oh, hear the call! - Good hunting all
That keep the Jungle Law!
- Rudyard Kipling.
What this last week has taught me is that you can't ever be entirely certain of future plans, or even the present you're living within. I believe, or perhaps used to believe that everything happens for a reason, and life deals you events to test your character and strength. Thrown the most horrific, beyond awful of events to deal with, the ferocious fighter I've always been has questioned my ability to stand tall again.
This past week has also taught me that people are without a doubt the most important parts of our lives. My amazing family and friends have shown a love and support I couldn't have even dreamt of, and handled what most can't handle with sincerity and loyalty towards me. Flowers, phone calls, visiting and small gestures are all helping me feel better, or rather, feel anything at all. I am eternally thankful. You've even made me laugh, and with every smile I'm feeling myself creep back.
While I know this will take time, and maybe after some of my numbness wears away and it all sinks in, perhaps the worst is (hopefully not) to come, knowing I've had such help already is preparing me for this difficult and torturous battle ahead.
Life has thrown us all horrific times to see how we cope, and maybe I thought I'd already had my fair share of hardships. Perhaps with each hardship I've handled and not let destroy me, a worst one has been cast my way. But I promise that this will not define, nor defeat me.
I've read, I've listened to music, gone to a gig, visited friends, watched movies and desperately searched for a job. I hope it is all working its way to finding myself again.
So amongst the pain and the recovery, I find myself smothered in support and maybe, in moments where innocence floods its way in, I can lose myself to the enveloping electricity of a live band or the funny joke we're all laughing about.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Neither Here Nor There.
I was blessed with a great childhood that showcased more than one culture, and country. I was born in the hometown of both my parents and where all of my family lived, in a close knit English community. When I was 9, dad's work took us to Portugal for 3 years where I attended an amazing school, met friends from around the world and began to have a much greater knowledge of the world than I ever could have had I not moved. Once we moved back to England, my parents decided their dreams of moving to another country after retiring should be done sooner rather than later, and applied to move to Australia.
I moved to Melbourne when I was 13 and then onto Perth at 14. In some ways I've grown up in Australia, along with successfully settling into school and becoming Head Girl and then onto university. I love the Australian lifestyle, the people and the friendliness. Though there will always be a part of me that will have a strong connection to the British; their ways, their ways of conducting life and especially their sense of humour.
After traveling around Europe last year, I made a few decisions. One was that while I adore my hometown in regards to visiting, and loved seeing my family and friends I've never lost contact with and still got along with amazingly well, I doubt I'd ever live there again. Perhaps because I haven't grown up there through my teenage years I feel as though there will always be a panel of glass disconnecting me from my attachment to it.
What I also learned was that I without a doubt adore London. I visited when I was 13, but when returning last year I didn't want to leave. It has a rudeness to it that strikes me as embracing; there is no judgment on you for the city that has already seen it all. There is an anonymity like no where else, and a sense of boundless places to go and things to do. I quickly made the decision to move there.
I've now come to the point that my talking and planning that sometime this year I'll move there have been pinpointed to a date. I woke up the other day feeling determined that I'd feel more motivated if I did so. I've booked my leaving party, started to save more money and make plans to sell my car and book my flights.
In some ways, going to one of the largest capitals of the world to live is an intense thought, but I feel I owe my adult self the equivalent life and experiences that my parents provided me as a child. I was lucky to go to where I have been, and I want to carry on that ability to travel, adapt and embrace my surroundings. London may not be a permanent move (to my parents and best friend's hope), but it's something I feel I need to do now, while I'm young and while I can.
I'm excited to be young, be daring and lead a crazy exciting life while I can.
I moved to Melbourne when I was 13 and then onto Perth at 14. In some ways I've grown up in Australia, along with successfully settling into school and becoming Head Girl and then onto university. I love the Australian lifestyle, the people and the friendliness. Though there will always be a part of me that will have a strong connection to the British; their ways, their ways of conducting life and especially their sense of humour.
After traveling around Europe last year, I made a few decisions. One was that while I adore my hometown in regards to visiting, and loved seeing my family and friends I've never lost contact with and still got along with amazingly well, I doubt I'd ever live there again. Perhaps because I haven't grown up there through my teenage years I feel as though there will always be a panel of glass disconnecting me from my attachment to it.
What I also learned was that I without a doubt adore London. I visited when I was 13, but when returning last year I didn't want to leave. It has a rudeness to it that strikes me as embracing; there is no judgment on you for the city that has already seen it all. There is an anonymity like no where else, and a sense of boundless places to go and things to do. I quickly made the decision to move there.
I've now come to the point that my talking and planning that sometime this year I'll move there have been pinpointed to a date. I woke up the other day feeling determined that I'd feel more motivated if I did so. I've booked my leaving party, started to save more money and make plans to sell my car and book my flights.
In some ways, going to one of the largest capitals of the world to live is an intense thought, but I feel I owe my adult self the equivalent life and experiences that my parents provided me as a child. I was lucky to go to where I have been, and I want to carry on that ability to travel, adapt and embrace my surroundings. London may not be a permanent move (to my parents and best friend's hope), but it's something I feel I need to do now, while I'm young and while I can.
I'm excited to be young, be daring and lead a crazy exciting life while I can.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Jealousy Jabs.
"All writing is revenge." - Nikki Gemmel.
When I was a little girl, if I ever had a argument with someone, my mum would always give me a cuddle and assure me it was because "they were jealous." While it was comforting to agree with her and after a good sleep all would be solved, I soon scoffed at this easy assurance. As I've grown up however, it seems the people I've had disagreements with in life have seemingly been jealous of me, even if they haven't admitted it.
Jealousy is often unexplainable and unwarranted. The jealousy I've often felt has not been able to be controlled; it's an unnerving feeling that always has a reason to be there; but it is poisonous. Those who are jealous will go to extreme lengths to try and either shake the feeling or fight it, and somehow lose logic along the way.
I've lost some people in my life that were never really worthy of my friendship. They were intimidating, spoiled and never deserved the kindness and compassion I showed them that they never quite returned. I do appreciate however that I left a lasting impression that resonates with them, when they feel the need to keep a part of me hanging around, while I've moved on from them.
I have an individual style and nature and it humours me when I see it replicated by people who won't admit they're jealous of me. My hairstyle, my writing, my pin-up fashion sense and my humour have been copied by a few people who I've disagreed with in the past.
Lovers jealousies are always the most passionate and become the most derived; people harbour desires from ex-lovers in their new lovers; and the new lovers are only too desperate to try and fill the previous person's shoes while hoping they can make it their own. They hope their replication of the original will help fade the past memories away.
It makes me laugh that I'm copied by those who claim to dislike me. It gives me faith in myself; in those who have cared for me, had feelings for me and been my friend. It shows I'm doing something right.
And if all writing is revenge, at least I'll always have an audience (and a fanbase) in my enemies... :)
When I was a little girl, if I ever had a argument with someone, my mum would always give me a cuddle and assure me it was because "they were jealous." While it was comforting to agree with her and after a good sleep all would be solved, I soon scoffed at this easy assurance. As I've grown up however, it seems the people I've had disagreements with in life have seemingly been jealous of me, even if they haven't admitted it.
Jealousy is often unexplainable and unwarranted. The jealousy I've often felt has not been able to be controlled; it's an unnerving feeling that always has a reason to be there; but it is poisonous. Those who are jealous will go to extreme lengths to try and either shake the feeling or fight it, and somehow lose logic along the way.
I've lost some people in my life that were never really worthy of my friendship. They were intimidating, spoiled and never deserved the kindness and compassion I showed them that they never quite returned. I do appreciate however that I left a lasting impression that resonates with them, when they feel the need to keep a part of me hanging around, while I've moved on from them.
I have an individual style and nature and it humours me when I see it replicated by people who won't admit they're jealous of me. My hairstyle, my writing, my pin-up fashion sense and my humour have been copied by a few people who I've disagreed with in the past.
Lovers jealousies are always the most passionate and become the most derived; people harbour desires from ex-lovers in their new lovers; and the new lovers are only too desperate to try and fill the previous person's shoes while hoping they can make it their own. They hope their replication of the original will help fade the past memories away.
It makes me laugh that I'm copied by those who claim to dislike me. It gives me faith in myself; in those who have cared for me, had feelings for me and been my friend. It shows I'm doing something right.
And if all writing is revenge, at least I'll always have an audience (and a fanbase) in my enemies... :)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Gay Rights & Gray Wrongs
I have two friends, Aimee McDonald and Stacey Malacari that I have known since I started high school in Rockingham, back when I was 14. Through our high school years, I formed great friendships with both of these girls that have lasted, though when we were all at high school together they never knew each other.
It wasn't until we'd left school that one day they finally met, and it wasn't long before they were falling rapidly in love with one another and are now the strongest, most beautiful, make you smile just by looking at them so in love kind of couple. I've never seen a couple so in love, so happy, so committed to one another. Perhaps I never will.
But they're two women.
Which sadly, poses a problem in this backwards society we live in. Perth is lagging behind the rest of Australia, not just in timezones but also in ideas. Being gay is not a crime, it is simply just a part of who a person is; like being straight is.
Why should right winged politicians who haven't progressed their ideals from the conservative 50's they were born in be able to legally prevent their formal ceremony of love? Or socially condemn those who are gay?
Something like one in ten people are gay, though this statistic may be wrong as so many people will not come out due to the fear that social discourse and traditions has implanted. Being gay is not a sin.
Homosexuality has been prominent since the beginning of human development. Politicians, Kings and world leaders have been too afraid to reveal their true desires and homosexuality due to the pressure of the God's above (that we don't know exist) and how society has cultivated those morals. Imagine having to lead life forever terrified of someone finding your secret and propelling it into a moralistic world.
Think of how many children and adults have gone through divorce in a family due to a husband or wife being gay; they have tried to do "right: by society, and while they may love their partner and of course adore their children, divorce is another act our world wishes to avoid, to blanket. So who has won? Society or another broken family?
Sure, there is the biological issue that a same sex couple cannot procreate. Perhaps we need to digest that this world is overpopulated, that many straight people (including myself) never want children, and that many straight couples who do start families probably never should have. We're no strangers to unwanted babies or insufficiently supported parents here in Rockingham. A man and a woman may naturally create a baby, but it doesn't mean they should. So why prevent a gay couple who have chosen to commit to adopting, fostering or using a form of medical treatment to responsibly enter a new stage of their life and provide for a child?
We don't live in the medieval ages anymore, where sex before marriage was sinful or having children out of wedlock was the worst of social faux pas you could ever do. Many of us have no religious beliefs, including politicians though we have to go along with traditional, Biblical rules lacking conviction, but too locked into routine to rock the political boat.
Our generation is more accepting. There are many homophobes left in the world, but with each new generation born, with each gay person who has the courage, support and bravery to come out, we will all win this one day. As the older generations with their old ideas will leave this world, the newer generations will take the place of world leaders and help shape a free, accepting and proud nation.
I am not gay, but it doesn't mean I have any less interest in creating sexual orientation equality in where we live. This is not just an issue for gay people, but for people who want a world where everybody's opinions and desires are respected. If traditional right wingers can shove their Biblical trite down our throats, then why can't we with our opinions?
How is a couple who share the same body parts but also share an unbreakable love be deemed wrong? How is it even our business to condemn love when sex is a private affair? And why should we deny a ceremony to celebrate a couple finding such beautiful, life changing love and be proud of who they are and what they stand for?
Why are we so fucking ignorant and self righteous to decide who individuals who we don't even know can sleep with and love?
And for the politicians who are gay and too afraid to speak out - you have the power to start change, and you have millions of people there to support you.
It wasn't until we'd left school that one day they finally met, and it wasn't long before they were falling rapidly in love with one another and are now the strongest, most beautiful, make you smile just by looking at them so in love kind of couple. I've never seen a couple so in love, so happy, so committed to one another. Perhaps I never will.
But they're two women.
Which sadly, poses a problem in this backwards society we live in. Perth is lagging behind the rest of Australia, not just in timezones but also in ideas. Being gay is not a crime, it is simply just a part of who a person is; like being straight is.
Why should right winged politicians who haven't progressed their ideals from the conservative 50's they were born in be able to legally prevent their formal ceremony of love? Or socially condemn those who are gay?
Something like one in ten people are gay, though this statistic may be wrong as so many people will not come out due to the fear that social discourse and traditions has implanted. Being gay is not a sin.
Homosexuality has been prominent since the beginning of human development. Politicians, Kings and world leaders have been too afraid to reveal their true desires and homosexuality due to the pressure of the God's above (that we don't know exist) and how society has cultivated those morals. Imagine having to lead life forever terrified of someone finding your secret and propelling it into a moralistic world.
Think of how many children and adults have gone through divorce in a family due to a husband or wife being gay; they have tried to do "right: by society, and while they may love their partner and of course adore their children, divorce is another act our world wishes to avoid, to blanket. So who has won? Society or another broken family?
Sure, there is the biological issue that a same sex couple cannot procreate. Perhaps we need to digest that this world is overpopulated, that many straight people (including myself) never want children, and that many straight couples who do start families probably never should have. We're no strangers to unwanted babies or insufficiently supported parents here in Rockingham. A man and a woman may naturally create a baby, but it doesn't mean they should. So why prevent a gay couple who have chosen to commit to adopting, fostering or using a form of medical treatment to responsibly enter a new stage of their life and provide for a child?
We don't live in the medieval ages anymore, where sex before marriage was sinful or having children out of wedlock was the worst of social faux pas you could ever do. Many of us have no religious beliefs, including politicians though we have to go along with traditional, Biblical rules lacking conviction, but too locked into routine to rock the political boat.
Our generation is more accepting. There are many homophobes left in the world, but with each new generation born, with each gay person who has the courage, support and bravery to come out, we will all win this one day. As the older generations with their old ideas will leave this world, the newer generations will take the place of world leaders and help shape a free, accepting and proud nation.
I am not gay, but it doesn't mean I have any less interest in creating sexual orientation equality in where we live. This is not just an issue for gay people, but for people who want a world where everybody's opinions and desires are respected. If traditional right wingers can shove their Biblical trite down our throats, then why can't we with our opinions?
How is a couple who share the same body parts but also share an unbreakable love be deemed wrong? How is it even our business to condemn love when sex is a private affair? And why should we deny a ceremony to celebrate a couple finding such beautiful, life changing love and be proud of who they are and what they stand for?
Why are we so fucking ignorant and self righteous to decide who individuals who we don't even know can sleep with and love?
And for the politicians who are gay and too afraid to speak out - you have the power to start change, and you have millions of people there to support you.
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